Are you tired of your mundane sex life? Do you want to spice things up with something fiery and exciting that’ll leave you and your partner moaning and groaning for more? Why not enter the world of BDSM? What’s that, you ask? Well, we’ll gladly explain! Keep reading and we assure you that by the time you finish reading, you and your naughty bits will be drooling for it.

For someone new to the BDSM world, you’re probably imagining a Red Room with shackles and whips to sexually overpower and spank you till you beg for mercy. While this might seem to be all there is to it, the real story behind this kinky business revolves around consensual power exchange practices during intense sexual activities. 

Despite going mainstream after the Fifty Shades trilogy, there are still a lot of false conceptions about BDSM, especially related to consent and safety. The potentially thrilling sexual practices in BDSM are generally slandered as being mentally and physically harmful, or something which only people with abnormal or weird sexual fetishes engage in. However, beginners must understand that it’s nothing like those things.

Now, you might be tempted to handcuff your partner and get your freak on right now, but knowing how to use BDSM wisely is very important. This blog will cover important rules and what to expect when you get started, so that you and your partner can enjoy BDSM together, but lovingly and consensually!

For Starters: What Does ‘BDSM’ Stand For?

To set the stage for newcomers, we’ll start by explaining the core pillars of kinky fun and erotic sex basics. So, BDSM stands for:

B/D: Bondage and Discipline

Bondage involves physical restraint and uses props like handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, etc. Discipline means establishing certain rules for behavior and punishment, mostly by a dominant partner, while the submissive one is being punished.

D/S: Dominance and Submission

‘Sub/dom play’ is a term that refers to the case when one person is the sub (or ‘bottom’) who allows the other one, the dom (or ‘top’) to be in charge. Dominance and submission can be physical, emotional, or both, and the dynamic can involve sexual acts of service. This role-play might be a single-event play or a fixed arrangement.

S/M: Sadism and Masochism 

Sadism is the act of enjoying inflicting pain. A masochist experiences a pleasurable sensation by receiving pain. And if you’re into both, you’d be considered a sadomasochist. Bear in mind that these activities are strictly pleasurable and occur after boundary-setting and open communication between partners.

While this may seem very straightforward, this is a very generalized explanation of the meaning of the BDSM sub-categories. Research shows that BDSM interactions are quite complicated and influenced by many psychological, social, and biological processes. Additionally, there is evidence that hormonal changes are involved, especially during dominance and submission. 

Now, before you start advocating for human rights, let us reinforce that all these kinds of plays are consensual and communicated beforehand.

Also, engaging in BDSM doesn’t mean you have to be a part of all of these categories! For instance, it is possible to find out that you’re the dominant or submissive person, or you can easily change from one to the other. Moreover, you might discover that even though you prefer being tied down (bondage), you are not a friend of the whip (discipline). 

The beauty of BDSM is that you stay oneself – no compulsions, no reservations! 

A Peek into The BDSM Dictionary

Entering into a new domain requires that you learn its lingo and boy, there is a lot of kinky innuendo in the world of BDSM! Here’s a brief introduction to some of the basic terms you might come across:

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Getting Jiggy with It: How to Get Started

Newly armed with the essentials of BDSM, you might be yearning to enter the obscure universe that BDSM offers. And why not – kinky sex is irresistibly arousing! It gives you a cultural taboo-breaking experience, stretches your sexual code, and drives you to new sexual highs that are hard to experience when you’re quietly banging in a missionary position.

Here are some tips to help you get started and ensure the entire erotic experience is easier and more enjoyable:  

Make Sure to Get Your Partner on Board Beforehand

This is also known as ‘negotiation’ in BDSM. This is where you specify the boundaries, things you’re comfortable with, and those you don’t want to indulge in. Be clear about the boundaries you want to set for yourself as this evades the risks of both physical and emotional damages. Also, talk about using props and toys, and learning about the safety of their use.

Begin with a warm-up talk with your partner and slowly divulge the idea of whatever funky stuff you have in mind – sometimes the dirty talk itself can be enough for arousal and action! Break down the features you want to implement, and your role in the implementation process, and take it from there. You never know – even the things you've never tried could become your new favorite kinks! 

Consent is Crucial!

As if we stressed it enough, consent very much defines BDSM from start to finish. Practices like choking, slapping, and humiliating can be physically and emotionally harmful, which is why you need to make sure that every BDSM play is consensual.

Although most of this will be covered during negotiation, it is important to keep checking in with your partner every once in a while, during the act. Even if something was fine before, it doesn’t mean it will be in the future, therefore it is crucial to keep communicating throughout the experience.

Never Mix Kinks with Drugs and Alcohol

You're playing with fire if you bring drugs and alcohol into your BDSM activities. Intoxication can critically complicate things, eliminating the capacity to give or perceive consent or even make sensible choices. BDSM is all about self-control, and drugs and alcohol are the complete opposite.

Alternatively, if you feel the need to be high or drunk in order to actively partake in kinky sexual activities, that’s a sure signal you need to do some serious psychological work.

Choose a Safe Word/Cue

If your partner is being too aggressive or things begin to get uncomfortable, saying this word will be an immediate caution to stop. And it can’t be a simple ‘no’ because there might be a certain type of play in which begging or even saying ‘no’ is required.

If you want your caution to be a non-verbal cue, that’s fine as well.  You could settle for a hand signal, a head butt, or a wrestling-type maneuver where you tap your hands together or smack your partner’s back a specific number of times.

Always End with Aftercare

All BDSM activities must end with snuggling and soothing each other to cool down the heated aftermath of the experience. Elements of dom/sub interactions, impact play, and many other thrilling and sometimes painful experiences can take their toll, so it’s important to create a safe ambiance by cuddling, cleaning up, or just pondering on the experience.

Be sure to choose good quality BDSM gear and discuss with your partner what aftercare you will do after a scene in order to feel safe.

To Sum Up

It's amazing to think that millions of people out there are yearning to be dominated, but they are either too shy to say so, or will never discuss it. Similarly, others want to dominate, but they either feel ashamed for having this urge or don’t know how to get sexual satisfaction in the way they want.

If you’re considering BDSM, remember this: you’re the captain of your ship and that’s what makes the whole experience so endearing and satisfying. You’re in control of what you want to do and feel, no matter how sexually unusual it may be. 

Follow our advice and begin your journey into the erotic and sexually charged world of BDSM!