Safe and Sexy Tips for Introducing BDSM into Your Relationship

Sex is exciting, exhilarating, and explosive. But after some time, it might start to feel like you and your partner have exhausted your imaginative and arousing skills and are just going through the motions. This is a good time to consider introducing some kinky stuff into your sex life to reignite that fire and energy – AKA BDSM!

Now for all those vanilla people out there who are not into kinky sex, the perception of BDSM seems to be shaped around whips, chains, and dominatrixes in leather costumes wearing 10-inch heels smacking someone’s behind while they beg for mercy. This image makes BDSM seem like something painful and humiliating, which is why most people shy away from even thinking about it.

But BDSM isn’t something scary or bizarre. It is, in fact, a scientifically proven method to spice up your sexual life while physically and mentally improving your intimate relationships. The only problem is – how do you introduce these fantasies to your partner without freaking them out?

Here are some expert tips for introducing BDSM into your relationship without making the whole process less awkward. 

A Brief Look Into BDSM

For the newbies here, BDSM is an acronym for certain out-of-the-ordinary sexual behaviors. These behaviors can be defined as bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. The dynamics are always this: a dominant person who is in control and gives orders and a submissive person who receives the orders and does what they're told to do by the dominant person.

While these erotic practices may seem slightly frightening and intimidating, BDSM is much more than just dressing up and being ordered around. Various fetishes, kinks, sexual preferences, and lifestyles are also a part of BDSM and they don’t necessarily need to involve pain and humiliation – unless that’s what turns you and your partner on!

Introducing BDSM into Your Relationship

It’s a fact; having a conversation about BDSM with your partner who isn’t into or hasn’t tried kinky sex before can be quite awkward. Your partner might feel bad assuming they’re not good enough in bed or they might jump at the idea and start looking for kinky props immediately. Whatever the case, you can expect a lot of different feelings when up open your sex life to new possibilities. 

One thing is certain – regardless of how you approach the topic or which practice of BDSM you want to try, mutual trust and understanding between partners is crucial. Only when you trust your partner completely will you allow them to tie you up, gag you, choke you, spank you, and then make love to you like you’ve never experienced before!  

So, once you’ve talked things over with your partner and have their consent, here are some tips to safely introduce BDSM in your bedroom.

Do Some Homework

Explore BDSM, and we don’t mean conducting a scientific experiment! Stream a video on the BDSM tube, post queries on a BDSM chat room, or read BDSM erotic fiction. You can even take a class from someone within the BDSM community or watch a few documentaries. The idea is to expose yourself to as much as possible so that you can decide what you like and want to try out.

Once you’ve made up your mind, share it with your partner. Don’t shock them by entering the bedroom dressed as cat woman with a whip! Gently introduce the idea by making them read an erotic passage or showing them a video and suggesting you try it out. Gauge their reaction and if they don’t seem on board, don’t push it and look for something else. However, you’ve planted an idea in their mind and they might eventually take up your offer! But don’t force them; that's not the idea behind BDSM.

Acknowledge Your Partner’s Emotions

When you begin to discuss BDSM with your partner, remember to be empathetic and prepared to face many emotions. Your partner might feel scared and confused, or they might feel excited and turned on. In some cases, they might transition from one feeling to another. 

The key is to open up about your sexual kinky desires. For instance, let your partner know how arousing it would be for you if they were to grab you by the shoulders, push you to the floor, and spank you (or whatever sexual fantasy turns you on). Explain to them that bondage and sadism aren’t about physically or emotionally harming each other, rather it's a mutual exchange of control between you two.   

Based on how your partner feels, base the conversation around how exciting it would be to push new sexual boundaries together safely – sometimes the conversation itself can trigger mind-blowing sex!

Establish Boundaries

So, you’ve convinced your partner and had an amazing night of basic, kinky, and fun sex. Now it’s time to set up some boundaries. BDSM isn’t hot unless everyone gets what they want, so discuss each other’s preferences and what you both would be open to and would like to avoid. 

Let’s take spanking as an example. Are you interested in spanking your partner or are you the one who wants to be spanked? How does your partner feel about spanking? What role do they want to play in a spanking scenario? Similarly, if you’re not okay with spanking, inform your partner and scratch that off your kink list.

Secondly, it’s important to have a safe word or cue for when things get too intense. This signals your partner to pause the scene and check whether you’re okay without totally getting out of their BDSM character. Just make sure the word isn’t a simple ‘no’ or ‘stop’ and isn’t sexual, and if it’s a cue, it isn’t something related to BDSM like a slap or a kick.

Start with Basic Stuff

It’s natural to feel hyped up and excited to try bondage with props and sex toys, but don’t cause your partner to have a panic attack the first time you try BDSM. Start with simple things and once you get the hang of it, work towards more advanced scenes and items.

For example, start by giving or receiving spanks on the bottom with flat palms. Then, try tying your partner’s or your wrists together during sex. Next, bring role-play into the mix and experiment with costumes and scripts. You can keep it as simple or as kinky as you like – just make sure you and your partner are on board with whatever’s going on.

Use Good Quality Bondage Gear

Don’t just get rope from your yard and tie your partner to the bed! You'll require specialized products like our "Stellar" Black Bondage Kit which is made from high-quality material and refined to make sure you enjoy being bound and beaten. Similarly, things like spreader bars and nipple clamps must be easily adjustable to ensure you can adjust the level of pain you desire. 

"STELLAR" BLACK BONDAGE KIT 14 PIECES

Then there's BDSM clothing. Whether it’s just lingerie or a uniform, make sure it’s made to provide luxurious comfort and sourced from state-of-the-art, cruelty-free, and sustainable materials. And don’t worry – all BDSM gear isn’t expensive!

Cuddle and Review the Experience 

When all the spanking and banging is done, make some time to cuddle and review the experience before going to bed. It’s important to acknowledge each other before, during, and after BDSM, so remember to connect physically and emotionally after you’re done. 

To Sum Up: Bring the Kink On! 

So, if you want to introduce BDSM into your relationship, talk about it with your partner. Discuss what could work for you, what wouldn’t work for you, and what could really be a turnoff. It’s okay to feel hesitant at first, but the key is to mutually agree to it and keep an open mind. You never know – kinky sex could be just what you need to reignite the spark in your sex life!